Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
