I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
