thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
