We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
