Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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