Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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