i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
