Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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