And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
