all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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