i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
