just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
