Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
