Sry I called you an 8
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
