Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
