I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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