I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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