My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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