Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
