So drunk its hurt
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
