Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
