Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
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Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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