Is that why you're texting me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...