We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!