Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
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And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha