i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.