just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
