Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.