it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
