it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
