bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
