Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
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I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize