My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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