So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
