Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
