I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
