i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
