You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
