All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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