So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Bring me that man meat
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
