Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
