ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Life is so much better after having sex.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
