Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
