Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
