Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
