Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
