You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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