people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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