I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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