...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
