dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
