So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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