i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I want is dick and wine.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
