i already hear my dad disowning me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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