His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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