Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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