Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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