i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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