i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
