Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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