i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
