Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
