have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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