I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
