had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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