when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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