I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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