so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't put those talents on a resume
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
