I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
