I wanna bring you to show and tell
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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